im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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