i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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