Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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