I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize