Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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