On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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