Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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