She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
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He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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