Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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