I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
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It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
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in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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