Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
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everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
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He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
pray to the hookup gods
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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