you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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