You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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