u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
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I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
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My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize