I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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