this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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