Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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