oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My Higher Power is John Stamos
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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