i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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