my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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