Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
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She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
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I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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