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There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
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