I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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