me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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