Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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