i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
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