He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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