and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
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had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
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I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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