The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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