Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize