I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize