I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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