I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
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a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
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These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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