i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize