fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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