..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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