apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
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I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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