I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize