True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
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they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
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I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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