my phone needs a breathalizer
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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