wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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