At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
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