It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i walk over a car last night?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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