i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
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She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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