What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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