So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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