And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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