HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
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And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
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I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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