She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
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Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
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Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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