Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize